Last night I dreamed about my son, Toney. He has been dead for 5 years.  This dream was not sad, as a lot of previous ones have been.  It was odd.  I cannot remember what led up to the part of the dream that I remember, I know that some of it was tied in with a conversation I had with my daughter Christy about an upcoming trip we might take.  I dreamed that Toney and I were walking down a street, and I was confused by the fact that he was there talking and walking with me, as I knew he had died.  He told me he had never died, but that a mistake had been made and after the memorial his dad didn’t know how to tell everyone that he was still alive, so he just kept quiet about it!! Toney did not look much like himself, since he was quite a bit taller than me in my dream than he would have been in real life, and he was walking, which he couldn’t have done.  He told me that he just didn’t need his wheelchair anymore, he just started walking one day when he noticed he had lost some weight and could stand up.  So he didn’t need the chair.  I remember I turned to look at him and I was amazed by his walking next to me, then he put his arm around my shoulder and we walked down the street.  That’s all I remember.

I Love you, my beautiful Boy. I miss you so much, someday we will walk together. Mom

Published in: on July 30, 2006 at 10:18 pm  Leave a Comment  

Back to my Life

Today my temporary solitude is ending.  Last night went by in a flash.  I had many nice uninterupted hours of listing my Ebay stuff. Taking pictures, uploading, etc.  I got a LOT of stuff done.   But the time really flew.  Before I knew it I was asleep!!! 

It was pretty nice to have the whole bed to myself, but I realized I just slept on my side all night.

Anyway, Joe called and they are on their way home.  So my Solitude, plus dogs is about to end.  I did not have enough time to be lonely.  I mean please, one day!! Give me 3 maybe 5 days to even adjust.  Maybe then I could be lonely.  Put me in a cabin in the woods, not in a suburban subdivision, then maybe I could be lonely.  But 24 hours!!! Please.

The best thing about the end of my Solitude is–I know the kiddies will have missed me.  ME!! The tucker in, the task master, the kisser of skinned knees, the giver of medicine, the shampooer, the snuggler.  Me, they will have missed, and that makes their coming home so sweet.

Just so you don’t think that those durn dogs drove me crazy.  Here are some additional pictures of their antics.


Published in: on July 2, 2006 at 4:41 pm  Leave a Comment  


Today I am alone, pretty much if you don’t count the dogs. Family is gone for the day and night, and I am alone in my house until late tomorrow, for the first time in several years. I feel great!!! No one wanting anything-except the occasional turn about the yard by the doggies. I can lay on the sofa, or walk around naked-no not that, but I could if I wanted-Play music loud, or read or anything I want. Actually I can do all of that, except the naked thing, when my family is here, it’s just that I am alone today!!! ALONE!!!!

I am sure that at some point I will be bored, or miss them, but right now I am so enjoying being alone. Writing in my Blog. Listing my stuff on Ebay without interuption. Watching The Terminator with one eye-while I write-without my husband making comments about the govenor of California. Tonight I plan to eat all the ice cream I want without said husband giving me the look, and watch M. Night Shamalan’s Signs again for the 10th time. Or maybe not that one but some movie in my collection that husband doesn’t like or makes comments about, and not good ones either.

AND I WILL BE ALONE!!!! Except for Daisy and Dyl my dogs. They at least know when to join in the conversation and when to lay like a sleeping dog.

I have tiny waves of guilt for feeling so happy to be alone, and I certainly do not want to be alone forever. I love my family and like nothing better than to spend time with them, doing family stuff, but it is so nice to occasionally be ALONE.

Daisy, my doggie daughter.

Dylan, my little man.

Published in: on July 1, 2006 at 10:56 pm  Leave a Comment  
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